So tonight when the news came on my 5 year old daughter stopped playing with her dolls and started watching with my wife & I. She then tells us that "she's growing up and it's good for her to watch the news now" and that she watches it at her Grandma's (my Mother in Law). She then started telling me of stories that she'd seen watching the news at Grandma's. She first started talking about how people are mad at the guy because we don't have any money for our schools (she was referring to the hit Mayor Rahm Emanuel is taking in the approval ratings), then about how "people are being killed real far away and everybody's sad" (referring to things going on in Iraq AND the Israeli/Palestinian war going on (should just call it murder not even war, mutual murder).
Then she hit me with one last story. She tells me "oh and some guy got shot in his shoulder but he's okay" and followed with "but there's a lot of people getting shot that aren't okay, huh daddy?". I can honestly say that I did not want to answer her question. Not even because she's an innocent 5 year old girl who should be focused on her Fin & Jake cartoon and her Monster High dolls, but because I so desperately wish that my answer would be different than "yes". As a man it breaks my heart to have to prepare this little girl that I love with all that I am, deeper than any metaphor or any words in any language could ever describe. I hate that I have to prepare her for a world that I'm not even 95% sure that I'm prepared for. What do I say?
Ever since I was a kid I've been struggling to make sense of the hell I was growing up in and when I studied my history and learned from my elders and all of that, I REALLY started to just feel downright depressed about the world itself. Such a hateful place filled with ridiculous ignorance and people who don't seem to enjoy anything other than making sure nobody else would ever be happy. People who are quick to call people I love very much, niggers, spics, faggots, etc. My Father was deeply racist and many family members were as well, plus people around the neighborhood in Philly. I couldn't tell you what made me the way I was, but I was just different. Every racist comment, joke, anecdote, every single despicable display of bigotry and hatred felt like a dagger to the chest. A really dull dagger at that. It's heartbreaking to hear your old man talking about a friend you invited over and hearing words like "booger" "jungle bunny" "monkey" and other pathetic stupid fucking words these idiots come up with to degrade wonderful people.
I felt like I was in a nightmare that I could not wake up from. This was my home environment, I believe everybody deserves to be safe at home, in a nurturing environment that guides you in the right direction, teaches compassion and most important of all RESPECT. I mean, i'm coming from a city that when I was 2 going on 3 dropped a damn BOMB from a helicopter onto a home in West Philly, taking out the entire block in the process, killing 11 people including 5 CHLDREN. A place where many of my friends were on the receiving end of close to deadly beat downs from police and please do not hit me with the "well what did they do?" bullshit...
"What did they do" is a terrible thing to say when such things take place. What the hell difference does it make? See these videos of cops beating up WOMEN these days and people ask "what did she do?". If you are any kind of MAN then you just do not raise your hand to a woman at ALL ever in your life regardless of "what she did". Did I mention my father was very badly abusive toward my Mother as well? I'm coming from a place where my home life was a living nightmare and when I'd turn on the tv or read about the rest of the world from it's history to the most current events, I must say that it was a big part of the reason I lost the desire to even live and tried taking my life. The very first attempt was when I was 16. Have you ever felt that lonely? Where you feel like no matter where you turn there'd be nobody there? My Mother was an amazing woman, but her 30 year battle with cancer had her struggling enough that I didn't want to burden her with my shit. Plus the times I'd told my folks I was feeling depressed & had thoughts of suicide my Mom would yell "no you don't" and my Dad would scream "what the fuck you got to be depressed about?!". Hmmm...
If I may be deeply honest about something now. A part of the depression was honestly guilt from watching friends who I cared about being damn near murdered by police for being black and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help them NOR could I relate to what THEY were going through. You will never hear me say I wish I wasn't white or I wish I was black because while I don't believe in a God I also do not believe in pussing the hell out and saying "I wish I was" or "I wish I wasn't". We are born how we are and we should NEVER ever ever ever ever be forced to wish otherwise. That is the whole point of life, isn't it? That is how I've always felt and THAT is why I've never been able to understand racism. Hell. I've never been able to understand hate. Aside from me saying "oh I hate this song" or "I hate that show" that is. I look back at history though and I just feel nothing but anger and sorrow for the pain inflicted by white mother fucking devils...there I said it.
No, my fellow white brothers and sisters, I'm not talking about YOU. At least, those of you that I actually associate with and keep in my life. You obviously are not these hateful pale faced ignorant bastards that I am referring to when I say devils. You know, every time I get into a debate (heated because all racial debates are heated by nature I feel), someone always asks me... "so why are black people allowed to be racist but I can't?"...They'll say "I hear this black guy say he hates white people so why aren't you calling HIM racist?". I've thought about this question deeply, I always think things through like that because that's the only way to develop opinions/feelings about something so delicate and damn well important. I came to this answer. I feel like black folk have all the reason in the world TO hate white people (that is if any of them do). How else is a people supposed to love their extremely abusive oppressors who kidnapped/purchased and enslaved them? You earn the right to hate your attacker, nobody begs a rape victim to love and forgive her rapist, do they? Maybe religious nuts but certainly not anybody with a damn heart. Black people never oppressed white people, white people oppressed white people, but black people? nope...Racism is extremely absurd, isn't it?
Then I get this one..."well...Irish people were slaves too". That may be so but I don't think I've ever heard any Irish people telling me about any castrations or lynchings, even branding. I don't seem to remember Irishmen being put through hell well after their slavery ended (at least not anywhere near the extent black people had to suffer through). I could go on and on about the horrors that we all already know of (and that most people seem to brush off like it's over so why are people fussing about it). But I think most of the people reading this will already know what I'm talking about. You already know the world you live in. You just know. The truth can never be denied.
As horrible as the past was, it's not that much different now. Maybe our technology has grown and there has been MAJOR improvement as far as racism goes, but the shit is not dead like so many people like to think it is. Things are getting so bad to the point that our children are starting to turn into the devil's tools (no i don't believe in satan i just like to give the evil of the world a name and his is the most popular when it comes to bad guys). Earlier I saw a post on twitter cracking jokes at that girl who got drunk as hell and was raped by them boys. I can't think of her name but I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. These kids (AND SOME GROWN ASS ADULTS!!) were going to TOWN cracking jokes and talking mad shit about this little damn girl! Grown WOMEN making jokes about a teenage girl being raped!! by multiple boys!!!
These are kids of all kind too. White, black, hispanic...you name it, they're out there going CRAZY bullying each other to death and those kids that are getting bullied are coming back and shooting the whole damn world up, killing as many people as they can before killing themselves. Then the kids that aren't bullying or shooting schools up are being killed by stray bullets from these bangers out there. Then there's the kids being left in cars in the boiling hot summer to cook to death. Then we've got the devils again, protesting borders and shit, protesting against CHILDREN refugees coming into the United States. A part of me wishes this Jesus cat WAS legit and just walked up to these so called "Christians" protesting in Arizona and elsewhere and give them a piece of his holy mind. Those idiots all need to be set straight and grow the help up. I don't care what the situation is or how many tax dollars it costs. Those kids need to be taken in, clothed, fed, and CARED FOR as ALL CHILDREN OF THE WORLD DESERVE. No adult should eat a bite of food until every child has been fed and THAT'S truth.
As I look around and see everybody fighting and bickering over what are pretty much childish and petty issues, I can't help but wonder what the hell is the matter with everybody? And then I ask myself. What do I say to my daughter?
Love,
Joe
Please do not be offended by my profanity, I try to keep it clean when I'm blogging but I felt like this time I needed to just let loose because LIFE is profane. Life is the vulgarity, no words can ever compare to the foulness of the way things have been and the way things are and it is very scary to think of the way things MIGHT be. I signed it with "love" because you know, anybody who reads this long ass blog deserves to be told I love them... I mean, in a ruggedly manly type of way you know (**beating my chest & grunting**)
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Welcoming America In A Profane Way..(F*ck It)
So I was checking out my facebook and stumbled upon a post by the Philadelphia Inquirer about people being outraged by the "profanity" dropped by the musicians during Philly's "Welcome America" celebration concert. Groups such as the Roots, Black Thought and Nicki Minaj performed this year. I read through the comments on that facebook page and what I read disgusted me. People launching insults with comments like "that's what you get when you invited monkeys to perform", "they're thugs what do you expect" and well I just am not going to repeat the other comments because I do not want to give them idiots that.
Really?! Comments like that aren't profane? What is so profane about the F word? What is wrong with the word "shit"? how about "bitch"? Within the very city of Philadelphia people are being beaten and shot to death and this brutality spreads from Philly throughout the state, throughout the united states and throughout the world. Is THIS not the only profanity going on in the world? No bombs (that would hurt anybody) were dropped on Philly during this performance. The real profanity is life. The real profanity is reality. These streets are profanity. These politicians are profanity. These ignorant racists are profanity. It's not our fault that society is vulgar. The people complaining are the ones guilty of the most profanity with their racist, hateful rants about those "niggers" at the 4th of July celebration.
These are the kinds of people who scream and holler about our Troops over in Iraq & elsewhere, they wave their american flags and yell about how they support the troops! and they yell about FREEDOM and the "american way"...
Having numerous friends that were in, and some that currently are in the military, I got to thinking. If these young, black, white, asian, korean, latino, straight, gay/lesbian, christian, muslim, jewish, etc. AMERICANS can fight for their country and die for that "freedom", then why is it so many of these patriotic dumb asses can't have respect for said "freedom"? Those men and women who make up our military, many of them dig the music that was played at the concert, they love the Roots, they love Black Thought, even love Nicki Minaj, some of these soldiers even drop F bombs here and there and I could have swore freedom of speech was one of those many "freedoms" that these brave young people die to protect. Isn't that the most popular belief regarding these wars? Isn't that what it's all about?
Why is it that Americans love when Americans fight and kill for freedom so that Americans who haven't done a damn thing to nurture freedom can sit around and point their fingers and tell people what they can't do, what they can't say, etc.? No actual bombs were dropped on Philadelphia on July 4th, I say be happy they were only F bombs. Over seas, rockets are being fired, bombs are being dropped, machine guns are being emptied out into homes & churches and who knows what else/where else. THAT is the profanity. The world is vulgar and you expect people of this planet NOT to be vulgar? The truth is explicit.
And let us please stop acting like hip-hop music is the only source of "curse words". I think that's only fair, so knock it off with the "nigger" shit and "what do you expect from thugs" b.s. There are many classic rock, rock, heavy metal songs that say a lot worse than what was said at this event. Movies and television also should plead guilty to being explicit and dropping profanity bombs at us. How about the "I'm Fixin' To Die Rag" by Country Joe McDonald (performed live at Woodstock) where at the beginning he spells out the word F-U-C-K and asks the crowd what it spells and all those people screamed it out loud and cheered it on? Great song that protests the war in Viet Nam and was a great song too, but the music of the Roots deserves the same respect.
Stuff like this proves that America has a lot of growing up to do, especially white america in many aspects. I am sometimes ashamed of my own damn people because of the way they act. Profanity. What's profane is asking black people to perform at a festival to honor a nation that enslaved them and even after "giving them freedom" still continued to degrade and insult them, murder, rape, brutalize and starve them and enforce a stupid and idiotic sense of "supremacy" over them. THAT is profranity. THEN when these young men and women do these performances to show the nation some love (even though by all right they should be wiping their asses with that flag and that bill of stinkin' rights), you idiots insult them and rag on them about PROFANITY!?!??!!?!?!
I love all people, I don't care what color you are, your sexual preference, your gender, your nationality, your religious belief (i'm atheist by the way, nice to meet you), etc, i got nothing but love and respect for you as a human being. You can dislike a people, place, thing, but you MUST learn how to at least have some respect. To an extent you can blame their parents for not raising them right, as we all know racism and hate are taught, nobody is born hateful. I just wish more people could think like I do when it comes to stuff like this. I'm getting tired of seeing how people (especially white) act.
With all of that being said, I would like to thank The Roots & all other performers at the Welcome America celebration in Philadelphia. Thank you all for the beautiful music you've been giving to those of us who truly love and appreciate it. Please always remember that there are a lot of us who really dig what you're doing and you've been a true inspiration to us. I must say that my Roots cd's and Pac, and Public Enemy and my Mos Def and my Onyx and my Nas cd's have opened my eyes and my heart to the world and at the same time helped me to get through a lot of bad times. I think I would have had a successful suicide if it hadn't have been for hip-hop (and of course my Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon BOTH of which were considered profane!).
Anyway, get over the profanity America, if you can't then you can blow me...
PEACE
Joey (AKA Sarz)
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wish In One Hand...(A quick poem)
I awoke with much quickness as the owl howled it's craziest thoughts,
Screaming at me it's wisdom sharing the lessons that he was twice taught,
First as a child and then as a Father, importance is equal,
Beware of the fact that your life it is lethal,
Terminally ill, we last and we linger,
Avoiding somehow the touch of death's finger,
Struggling to find time when time we used to waste,
Living with blind faith, pray to the Lord our souls to take,
Avoiding the cries and the blood on the street, we sleep,
Wishing there could magically be peace,
But as the old saying goes I was told by my Mother,
Wish in your one hand and then shit in the other...
See which one gets full first
I Was That Quiet Kid...
I was that quiet kid. The one often picked on, teased, beat the hell DOWN. Commanded absolutely NO respect from anybody including myself. I don't think I ever really started believing in myself or fully respecting myself until I met my wife and even then until she gave birth to my one and only daughter Jocelyn (who is now 5 going on 6 this August 2014). I got to be in there while they cut my woman in half to take my little girl out of her belly. After the initial white powdered doughnut alien baby looking phase, in the nursery I got to spend time with my little girl by ourselves. When I walked in I heard her crying while laying beneath her little tanning bed. I calmly approached, nervous as hell because this is my first time meeting the reason I was even born. I didn't know what I was going to say (not that it mattered since she obviously hadn't learned english yet).
When I made it to her side, she turned her head and she grabbed my finger and she stopped crying while she looked directly into my eyes. I could feel the tear step proudly out of my eye and go running down my face to the floor. Could probably even hear it hit the floor because it was so quiet in the room at the moment. The first thing I told her is to not be afraid, her Daddy was here. I proceeded to tell her a little bit about myself, my name, where I'm from and told her a little about HERSELF, HER name, where she's from, how Daddy's probably from Mars or something... I told her how she saved my life and how I will be paying her back until I'm dead and gone and even then I'm still going to do everything in my power to look after her. It's the least I could do for my savior.
Dealing with the struggle of bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress I was prone to suicidal thoughts from time to time (pretty heavy during certain times/situations). During my wife's pregnancy I started to panic that I was not going to be a good father and I was very worried up until the birth. That alone time I got to spend with my little angel in the beginning moments of her post-womb life seemed to immediately give me a shot of courage and a self esteem boost. I literally had the chills from my feet to my forehead, I was on cloud 9 and feeling like I knew right then and there what love really is and like I said before I knew my purpose for living.
Fast forward nearly 6 years later and now I'm pretty much living in fear for this little girl. As the years go by it seems to get crazier and crazier out there outside this apartment. Kids aren't safe in school, at playgrounds, in churches, on school buses or even in their own damn homes. Predators of all kinds and colors and genders are preying on these children THEN you've got the predators that kill kids accidentally while trying to kill their so-called rivals/enemies. So shit, kids aren't even safe when it comes to CHANCE. We can blame media for spreading negative stories all we want but that's just a weak cop out in my opinion and it's us, the people, that are to blame for all that is wrong in our communities and it is us, the people, that are supposed to be cleaning up and setting things straight again.
Growing up in the 80's and 90's I saw a lot and I learned a lot. Being the quiet kid that I was I got to observe very closely the ways of the world, nation, state, city, neighborhood and my own family. Philadelphia was/is a very tough place to grow up in for a peaceful person. I was around so much racism and experienced so much hate and violence that I'd develop ptsd from it. I did very well in school until 10th grade when I dropped out but I left because it just wasn't for me PLUS like I said I was constantly being messed with and threatened so I just got away from it. I did especially well in subjects like social studies & history. While learning the versions of history that schools are dishing out I also studied independently at home and the library to be able to develop my own opinions and thoughts. It was around these teen years that I lost faith in a God too and crossed religion off my list of worth while things to do.
I was living in an environment that was an all out contradiction to the religion that the people all claimed they were devoted followers of. The hypocrisies were so blatantly obvious and clear to me that I can't believe there are so many people that don't see it at all. Naturally this makes me the outcast in society and the white sheep of the family because I do not follow the majority of the people. Philadelphia is a beautiful city but at the same time it is a very ugly city that will snuff you out if you're not careful. But I'm learning that this is actually true for most cities and well the entire country. I've never been outside the united states, heck, I've never been to the west coast but the east coast and mid west I am seeing pretty much the same things. Ignorance, hate and greed living well while hope lies slowly dying in the street after being run down by a drunk driving gang banger pulling a drive by while text driving...
Of course over the years I've seen some good and met some wonderful people. I would be a liar if I said that I didn't have legit reasons to smile growing up and that I didn't meet some truly trustworthy people in my life. I also got through a lot of it with the help of many artists. I listened to a lot of music, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Pink Floyd, Richie Havens, Bob Marley, Public Enemy, 2pac, etc. I was also into stand up comedy, but I preferred certain comics. They had to make me think and not just be up there telling jokes to get laughs, to me there is a huge difference. As with music you've got to inspire me to think. A few personal favorites of mine are Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle and Eddie Griffin. These fellas and many others make your ribs hurt from laughing but are also very very deep. Make your brain tingle while you're trying to breathe after laughing so hard.
As an artist I try to make sure I do the same, while above all I see to it that I remain myself. If you're going to be any kind of artist you need to only articulate what YOU feel and think. No matter how many people think they can, you can not express somebody else's feelings or thoughts because you can not feel for them or think for them. You can perhaps relate to them but then that makes it totally different. In fact I wish that we could all relate on this planet because maybe if we could all relate then we'd all know the pains of certain others and immediately put an end to all of the silly bullshit like racism and bigotry, sexism, homophobia, etc.
The artists I look up to, like Griffin, like Hendrix, I see as fellow human beings and fellow artists and even as mentors in some ways but I must say that I am not an awestruck kind of person that gets silly over people's "celebrity". I am not an autograph kind of a guy, I've never asked for one and can't imagine myself asking for one from anybody really. Not saying it is wrong to do so or anything like that I just have never been into that. I'd rather sit down and smoke a joint with the people I look up to or I admire. Sit and smoke and just talk about some real shit, not even ABOUT anything in particular just shoot the breeze, dig some music and chill. That's what life is really all about and that's what I'm about. I gave up drinking years ago so that's about the extent of my "partying" (which makes me the designated driver all the time which is well worth the while).
I was the quiet kid growing up, I still am kind of quiet but not nearly as I was. I love to make people laugh and smile as much as I can. I've been told many times that I should seriously consider doing some stand up but I don't know about that, mostly because I'm just not so comfortable in front of crowds. At a party I let my guard down and I start riffing and get people in stitches laughing but if I had to grab a mic and stand up in front of everybody on display it might make me very nervous. I stopped playing guitar a few years ago and started focusing on my poetry and rap music and now am a studio cat. I prefer being in my own world, headphones on and a notepad and pen in front of me.
I was that quiet kid, that people didn't seem to give much thought to let alone second thought. I'm back and forth when it comes to determining whether this was a good or bad thing. When I see kids that are sitting quietly looking exactly how I looked when I was their age, it bugs me because I might know how they're feeling inside because I knew how I felt inside and I don't want any people to have to feel that pain. It's really time for people to start making changes in their communities and start protecting and guiding these children better than we are. Never mind public education or government this or government that or state this or state that or this class or that class, WE have to teach our kids the important things as we teach them to be free thinkers and NOT to be followers but to be leaders.
When I made it to her side, she turned her head and she grabbed my finger and she stopped crying while she looked directly into my eyes. I could feel the tear step proudly out of my eye and go running down my face to the floor. Could probably even hear it hit the floor because it was so quiet in the room at the moment. The first thing I told her is to not be afraid, her Daddy was here. I proceeded to tell her a little bit about myself, my name, where I'm from and told her a little about HERSELF, HER name, where she's from, how Daddy's probably from Mars or something... I told her how she saved my life and how I will be paying her back until I'm dead and gone and even then I'm still going to do everything in my power to look after her. It's the least I could do for my savior.
Dealing with the struggle of bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress I was prone to suicidal thoughts from time to time (pretty heavy during certain times/situations). During my wife's pregnancy I started to panic that I was not going to be a good father and I was very worried up until the birth. That alone time I got to spend with my little angel in the beginning moments of her post-womb life seemed to immediately give me a shot of courage and a self esteem boost. I literally had the chills from my feet to my forehead, I was on cloud 9 and feeling like I knew right then and there what love really is and like I said before I knew my purpose for living.
Fast forward nearly 6 years later and now I'm pretty much living in fear for this little girl. As the years go by it seems to get crazier and crazier out there outside this apartment. Kids aren't safe in school, at playgrounds, in churches, on school buses or even in their own damn homes. Predators of all kinds and colors and genders are preying on these children THEN you've got the predators that kill kids accidentally while trying to kill their so-called rivals/enemies. So shit, kids aren't even safe when it comes to CHANCE. We can blame media for spreading negative stories all we want but that's just a weak cop out in my opinion and it's us, the people, that are to blame for all that is wrong in our communities and it is us, the people, that are supposed to be cleaning up and setting things straight again.
Growing up in the 80's and 90's I saw a lot and I learned a lot. Being the quiet kid that I was I got to observe very closely the ways of the world, nation, state, city, neighborhood and my own family. Philadelphia was/is a very tough place to grow up in for a peaceful person. I was around so much racism and experienced so much hate and violence that I'd develop ptsd from it. I did very well in school until 10th grade when I dropped out but I left because it just wasn't for me PLUS like I said I was constantly being messed with and threatened so I just got away from it. I did especially well in subjects like social studies & history. While learning the versions of history that schools are dishing out I also studied independently at home and the library to be able to develop my own opinions and thoughts. It was around these teen years that I lost faith in a God too and crossed religion off my list of worth while things to do.
I was living in an environment that was an all out contradiction to the religion that the people all claimed they were devoted followers of. The hypocrisies were so blatantly obvious and clear to me that I can't believe there are so many people that don't see it at all. Naturally this makes me the outcast in society and the white sheep of the family because I do not follow the majority of the people. Philadelphia is a beautiful city but at the same time it is a very ugly city that will snuff you out if you're not careful. But I'm learning that this is actually true for most cities and well the entire country. I've never been outside the united states, heck, I've never been to the west coast but the east coast and mid west I am seeing pretty much the same things. Ignorance, hate and greed living well while hope lies slowly dying in the street after being run down by a drunk driving gang banger pulling a drive by while text driving...
Of course over the years I've seen some good and met some wonderful people. I would be a liar if I said that I didn't have legit reasons to smile growing up and that I didn't meet some truly trustworthy people in my life. I also got through a lot of it with the help of many artists. I listened to a lot of music, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Pink Floyd, Richie Havens, Bob Marley, Public Enemy, 2pac, etc. I was also into stand up comedy, but I preferred certain comics. They had to make me think and not just be up there telling jokes to get laughs, to me there is a huge difference. As with music you've got to inspire me to think. A few personal favorites of mine are Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle and Eddie Griffin. These fellas and many others make your ribs hurt from laughing but are also very very deep. Make your brain tingle while you're trying to breathe after laughing so hard.
As an artist I try to make sure I do the same, while above all I see to it that I remain myself. If you're going to be any kind of artist you need to only articulate what YOU feel and think. No matter how many people think they can, you can not express somebody else's feelings or thoughts because you can not feel for them or think for them. You can perhaps relate to them but then that makes it totally different. In fact I wish that we could all relate on this planet because maybe if we could all relate then we'd all know the pains of certain others and immediately put an end to all of the silly bullshit like racism and bigotry, sexism, homophobia, etc.
The artists I look up to, like Griffin, like Hendrix, I see as fellow human beings and fellow artists and even as mentors in some ways but I must say that I am not an awestruck kind of person that gets silly over people's "celebrity". I am not an autograph kind of a guy, I've never asked for one and can't imagine myself asking for one from anybody really. Not saying it is wrong to do so or anything like that I just have never been into that. I'd rather sit down and smoke a joint with the people I look up to or I admire. Sit and smoke and just talk about some real shit, not even ABOUT anything in particular just shoot the breeze, dig some music and chill. That's what life is really all about and that's what I'm about. I gave up drinking years ago so that's about the extent of my "partying" (which makes me the designated driver all the time which is well worth the while).
I was the quiet kid growing up, I still am kind of quiet but not nearly as I was. I love to make people laugh and smile as much as I can. I've been told many times that I should seriously consider doing some stand up but I don't know about that, mostly because I'm just not so comfortable in front of crowds. At a party I let my guard down and I start riffing and get people in stitches laughing but if I had to grab a mic and stand up in front of everybody on display it might make me very nervous. I stopped playing guitar a few years ago and started focusing on my poetry and rap music and now am a studio cat. I prefer being in my own world, headphones on and a notepad and pen in front of me.
I was that quiet kid, that people didn't seem to give much thought to let alone second thought. I'm back and forth when it comes to determining whether this was a good or bad thing. When I see kids that are sitting quietly looking exactly how I looked when I was their age, it bugs me because I might know how they're feeling inside because I knew how I felt inside and I don't want any people to have to feel that pain. It's really time for people to start making changes in their communities and start protecting and guiding these children better than we are. Never mind public education or government this or government that or state this or state that or this class or that class, WE have to teach our kids the important things as we teach them to be free thinkers and NOT to be followers but to be leaders.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
32 Years So Far (A Letter To Those Who Care)
In just a few weeks I'll be celebrating my 32nd birthday and lately I've been thinking a lot about what I've seen, what I've been through and what I've learned over the 30 plus years. I've thought a lot about my experiences and examined my views and beliefs and the truths I've come to discover about people and society.
I look back and I recall a lot of extremely hard times and difficult situations of which I should've never been a part of. I look back and I recall a lot of pain and sorrow that was often masked by smiles and laughter. I seem to remember constantly being bullied and pretty much tormented in school by numerous people and I remember ultimately being a very lonely young man with terrible self esteem.
I grew up in Philadelphia, Pa. A great part of my life was spent surrounded by violence, drugs, bigotry & flat out racism. I got to watch the neighborhoods deteriorate and good people suffer while the evil prevailed.
I've always been extremely uncomfortable around racism and baffled by it at the same time. Have never been able to understand it because I can not comprehend hating anybody or anything like that, especially to that extent, just seems petty and pathetic to me.
I've grown up in a country that people call a "Christian nation" while thinking and acting like anti-christians instead. Living the lives of hateful, ignorant and flat out mean monsters that wave American flags higher than anybody and shout for soldiers and for freedom while they go out of their way to see to it that other's freedoms are attacked and revoked. Living in direct opposition to how their own Christ taught and directed them to live. From hating fellow human beings because of skin color to hating them for their ways of life and beliefs that just happen to differ from theirs. As if America is the land of the free only for white, heterosexual. heartless, christian men and any nigger hippie muslim fags are "the devil"...
To anybody with a brain, these hypocrisies and injustices stand out very clearly and are a slap to the face of all of the things that this country and this WORLD are supposed to stand for. Compassion and basic human decency are on the ropes about to get knocked the hell out any minute now like a Mike Tyson opponent.
I've noticed society go from hopeful to downright shameful over the past 30 years as well. At least that is how it appears to the naked brain. The truth of the matter is that things have ALWAYS been this bad, it's just that now media is so fast and vast that news spreads faster than (insert spreads fast than joke of choice here). That doesn't necessarily mean true information is spreading either. A lot of the "news" reports or posts on the social networks are either not fully true or down right fabricated.
For 32 years I've watched people change from the kind of people who would help out a fellow human being to the kind of people who just stand by and watch shit happen and say "it ain't none of my business". That way of thinking seems to be the best way to sum up this generation's name...There was generation X, generation next..this is generation "ain't my business". The fact of the matter is everything that happens in this world is exactly your business and everybody's business as anything that happens to one of us happens to all of us since we are all in this thing called life together.
During the late 90's and early 2000's I was very deep into the peace movement. I was young and naive and thought that there was enough hope left at achieving at least mutual respect. That's all peace really is, in my opinion. You don't have to like people to respect them and just because you respect someone doesn't mean you have to like them or what they're about. Accepting that we are all different and that life would simply not be as beautiful as it is if we were all exactly the same like some biological carbon copies and respecting one another in appreciation of the differences is what peace really is.
Over the next 10 years I slowly but surely lost that sense of hope for the human race. These days respect is damn near deceased and tolerance is weak as well. From wars over seas to wars right here in the streets of America.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of people that I am extremely proud to know and some am very honored to call friend. My wife and my daughter being the 2 most influential and important people in my life. The thing is, I find it very frustrating and disappointing that this is the world in which we must live. A world where hate seems to be spreading across the population like a sick & twisted disease hell bent on wiping us out once and for all and people just go on along with it like it's okay.
Over 30 years I think the most popular game I've ever seen played is the "blame game". People from all walks of life that point their fingers at all sorts of different scapegoats saying "they're to blame for this shit!" and that's a part of the problem. Instead of looking for who's to blame, maybe we should be concentrating on who's going to stand the hell up and do something ABOUT it?!?!
No I'm not talking about any Gods or Christs or messiahs or presidents or mayors. I'm not even talking about the garbage man...it's our trash, let US clean it up. If we don't start putting our differences aside and start working together to come up with the solutions to the problems we face then we might as well all just arm ourselves and turn these streets into the wild west because that's where we are already headed.
To any artists, listeners, friends, family, PEOPLE that read this or listen to my music or pay any attention to the things I do or say, know that I have your back and that regardless of what color you are or your gender or sexual preference or language you speak or size shoe you wear or color of your hair or if you believe in God or if you're an Atheist like ME...I got nothin' but luv for you and I wish you the best.
But you know the old saying, wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets full first...hahahaha
All shit aside...It's been a very rough 31 (almost 32) years, here's a toast to the next 31 and hoping that the insanity eases up a bit and starts cutting us some slack.
We need to really start getting to work though, before it really IS too late...
Peace
Joey
I look back and I recall a lot of extremely hard times and difficult situations of which I should've never been a part of. I look back and I recall a lot of pain and sorrow that was often masked by smiles and laughter. I seem to remember constantly being bullied and pretty much tormented in school by numerous people and I remember ultimately being a very lonely young man with terrible self esteem.
I grew up in Philadelphia, Pa. A great part of my life was spent surrounded by violence, drugs, bigotry & flat out racism. I got to watch the neighborhoods deteriorate and good people suffer while the evil prevailed.
I've always been extremely uncomfortable around racism and baffled by it at the same time. Have never been able to understand it because I can not comprehend hating anybody or anything like that, especially to that extent, just seems petty and pathetic to me.
I've grown up in a country that people call a "Christian nation" while thinking and acting like anti-christians instead. Living the lives of hateful, ignorant and flat out mean monsters that wave American flags higher than anybody and shout for soldiers and for freedom while they go out of their way to see to it that other's freedoms are attacked and revoked. Living in direct opposition to how their own Christ taught and directed them to live. From hating fellow human beings because of skin color to hating them for their ways of life and beliefs that just happen to differ from theirs. As if America is the land of the free only for white, heterosexual. heartless, christian men and any nigger hippie muslim fags are "the devil"...
To anybody with a brain, these hypocrisies and injustices stand out very clearly and are a slap to the face of all of the things that this country and this WORLD are supposed to stand for. Compassion and basic human decency are on the ropes about to get knocked the hell out any minute now like a Mike Tyson opponent.
I've noticed society go from hopeful to downright shameful over the past 30 years as well. At least that is how it appears to the naked brain. The truth of the matter is that things have ALWAYS been this bad, it's just that now media is so fast and vast that news spreads faster than (insert spreads fast than joke of choice here). That doesn't necessarily mean true information is spreading either. A lot of the "news" reports or posts on the social networks are either not fully true or down right fabricated.
For 32 years I've watched people change from the kind of people who would help out a fellow human being to the kind of people who just stand by and watch shit happen and say "it ain't none of my business". That way of thinking seems to be the best way to sum up this generation's name...There was generation X, generation next..this is generation "ain't my business". The fact of the matter is everything that happens in this world is exactly your business and everybody's business as anything that happens to one of us happens to all of us since we are all in this thing called life together.
During the late 90's and early 2000's I was very deep into the peace movement. I was young and naive and thought that there was enough hope left at achieving at least mutual respect. That's all peace really is, in my opinion. You don't have to like people to respect them and just because you respect someone doesn't mean you have to like them or what they're about. Accepting that we are all different and that life would simply not be as beautiful as it is if we were all exactly the same like some biological carbon copies and respecting one another in appreciation of the differences is what peace really is.
Over the next 10 years I slowly but surely lost that sense of hope for the human race. These days respect is damn near deceased and tolerance is weak as well. From wars over seas to wars right here in the streets of America.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of people that I am extremely proud to know and some am very honored to call friend. My wife and my daughter being the 2 most influential and important people in my life. The thing is, I find it very frustrating and disappointing that this is the world in which we must live. A world where hate seems to be spreading across the population like a sick & twisted disease hell bent on wiping us out once and for all and people just go on along with it like it's okay.
Over 30 years I think the most popular game I've ever seen played is the "blame game". People from all walks of life that point their fingers at all sorts of different scapegoats saying "they're to blame for this shit!" and that's a part of the problem. Instead of looking for who's to blame, maybe we should be concentrating on who's going to stand the hell up and do something ABOUT it?!?!
No I'm not talking about any Gods or Christs or messiahs or presidents or mayors. I'm not even talking about the garbage man...it's our trash, let US clean it up. If we don't start putting our differences aside and start working together to come up with the solutions to the problems we face then we might as well all just arm ourselves and turn these streets into the wild west because that's where we are already headed.
To any artists, listeners, friends, family, PEOPLE that read this or listen to my music or pay any attention to the things I do or say, know that I have your back and that regardless of what color you are or your gender or sexual preference or language you speak or size shoe you wear or color of your hair or if you believe in God or if you're an Atheist like ME...I got nothin' but luv for you and I wish you the best.
But you know the old saying, wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets full first...hahahaha
All shit aside...It's been a very rough 31 (almost 32) years, here's a toast to the next 31 and hoping that the insanity eases up a bit and starts cutting us some slack.
We need to really start getting to work though, before it really IS too late...
Peace
Joey
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